I’M A BAD BREAKER UPPER

So, I’m not afraid to say it. Basically I’m a coward and have never broken up with someone face to face. I’m 26 years old by the way. Communication has never been my strong suit, which is arguably one of the reasons that the relationship is on the fritz to begin with. ONE of the reasons. I’m not taking ALL of the blame here, but I can admit that I’m no angel either. Anyway, bottom line, I’m bad at breaking up. As an introvert, I just find it so hard to straight up break up with someone to their face. I’ve never been one to meet up with someone and pour my heart out. Here are some of the bad methods that I’ve used in the past to break up with someone.

THE WAIT

I’m someone who will know for MONTHS that the relationship just isn’t going to work out. There have even been relationships in the past where I have grown to actually DISLIKE the other person and I STILL couldn’t bring myself to pull the trigger. I would somehow rather suffer through a shitty relationship than to have that awkward conversation about ending it. Sometimes they’ll even sense that something is off about me and they’ll come right out and ask me if anything is the matter. And do you know what my response to that is? “No.” Smh. Did I mention that The Cowardly Lion is my cousin?

THE MUTUAL FRIEND

This method of breaking up was very popular for me in high school. 9 times out of 10, the person that I was dating was somewhere within my friend group, or at least friends with one of my friends. This meant that by the time I was ready to breakup with them, it was very tempting for me to just ask a mutual friend of ours to tell them for me. So I did. It was obviously a shitty way to break up with someone (not to mention, probably a little bit uncomfortable for our mutual friend) and I knew that at the time, but I was like 15 and an apparent asshole.

THE SILENT TREATMENT

This was usually a method that I used when I was pissed at them for some reason (basically if they had wronged me in some way). Basically what I would do is never talk to them again. This method only really works if you aren’t going to be seeing them for a while so I would usually utilize it during summer break or between transitions from one school to another. I wasn’t so cold hearted that I would ignore someone who was talking to me in person (not for long anyway). It’s really hard for me to pretend someone doesn’t exist when they’re right there in my face. But, ignoring texts and calls? Yeah, I could do that. I could do that well.

THE RELATIONSHIP STATUS CHANGE

Again, if I felt that I was wronged enough to justify my actions, I would surprise him with a relationship status change on Facebook. I would make us Facebook UN-official by changing “In a relationship with so and so” to “single” all without any prior conversation about a break up. I wanted to make him feel stupid and to be embarrassed. Childish? Yes. But, I was a child after all.

THE EXPLOSION

I had one relationship in particular where I would do this all the time. Like once a week maybe. Basically, what this method consisted of was me getting incredibly over dramatic and like TOO mad (I blame my mother) and breaking up with my boyfriend basically whenever we would have an argument. Looking back that was incredibly unfair and just a toxic relationship overall (there was a lot of manipulation on both of our behalves). I think that I was trying to establish the upper hand? Anyway, the relationship obviously didn’t stand the test of time. We lasted about a year (not too bad for high schoolers actually) and surprisingly it didn’t end with an explosion. It ended with him dumping me on my ass. HARD. Lol.

THE “BREAK”

First of all, it’s pretty common knowledge that breaks usually end badly (think Ross and Rachel). There’s just too much gray area. Like what are the parameters of a break? What even is a break? For me, I would say that I wanted to go on a break when I was too scared to say that I wanted to break UP. So close. Just one more word. Somehow I just couldn’t bring myself to say it though. Anyway, when I would go on a “break”, I never actually planned on coming back from it. The only times I have come back from breaks were when the other party insisted on working things out.

THE TEXT AND POWER OFF

I saved this one for last because it’s the one that I’m least proud of. It’s basically exactly what it sounds like. If a relationship just wasn’t working out and I didn’t know how to end it, I would send a break up text and then turn my phone off. Brutal. I honestly feel that there’s no excuse for this method. It’s just wrong. I have never been broken up with in this way, but I can imagine how hurtful it is to receive a breakup text and then when you try to call to talk about it, you get sent straight to voicemail. Ouch. I’ve only done this to someone once that I can recall and he was PISSED. When I turned my phone back on, I had so many angry text messages and voicemails that I couldn’t help but to think that a face to face breakup would’ve been an easier choice after all. Nonetheless, I’ve grown from the experience.

So, it would seem that all of these methods seem a bit “high school” and childish. That’s because they are. I haven’t broken up with someone since I was 18. I met my husband when I was 19 and we’ve been together since, so I haven’t experienced a breakup in my adulthood. I would like to believe that I could do it face to face, but lets hope I never have to find out.

Do you have issues with breaking up? What’s the worst way that you’ve broken up with someone?

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