Are introverts just stuck up? Before I get into that, I wanna tell you guys a story all about how
my life got flipped turned upside down I met a former boyfriend’s family.
So about 8 or so years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy that I knew from high school. The relationship was going pretty okay so he decided that he wanted me to go to church with him and then go with him to his grandparents’ house afterwards to meet what felt like his entire family. I was extremely shy and wasn’t ready for that step, but against my better judgment I agreed to do it.
Long story short, after church we went to the grandparents’ house and there were a lot of people there (by my standards anyway). I was seriously out of my element and so I sort of just shut down. Naturally I wasn’t talking much, but internally I was screaming at myself for even getting into this situation. I wanted to go unnoticed, but everyone was so interested in me and kept asking me questions about myself.
I’m sure that they weren’t trying to intimidate me, but it felt like I was being grilled like a hot dog at the Fourth of July cookout. Oh and the icing on the cake? My boyfriend left me at the house. By myself. With his whole damn family. Alone. By myself. You get the drift. He had been sent out to run some errands and told me to stay. I wanted to die.
So, to wrap things up, I survived. Obviously. But, not without leaving a bad taste in a few mouths. Because I was so quiet and made so little eye contact, some of his relatives took it that I was stuck up or rude which was the LAST thing I would use to describe myself. What’s worse I WANTED them to like me, but they just didn’t understand my silence. So, I wanted to take some time out and educate people on why someone may be a bit too quiet for your liking. SPOILER: Silence does not automatically equal stuck up!
SILENCE IS GOLDEN
I often get the question: Why are you so quiet? Believe it or not, some people actually enjoy silence. Thrive on it even. Introverts hold the belief that not every moment has to be filled with constant chatter and stimulation. I for one feel it can be nice, even intimate, for two people to share a silent moment together. For them to just sit in each others presence and feel each others vibrations.
You don’t have to always fill the silence out of fear that it will be awkward or that you’ll get bored. I mean who REALLY gives two shits about small talk? No diss to anyone who loves small talk, it’s just not my thing. I find it meaningless. *Kanye shrug*
DON’T WANNA FORCE IT
Many times when I’m being silent, it’s just because I’m not interested in the conversation at hand. There’s no need to be offended by someone who isn’t really feeling the subject that you brought up. We aren’t being mean, we just don’t want to pretend to care.
Sure, we could put our interests aside and oblige in order to be polite, but I don’t thinks that’s fair. Don’t crucify us for being real. Some people just don’t care about what you did on vacation. Some people don’t care about that funny thing that your baby did. And believe it or not, some people don’t care what you ate for lunch OR that you have photo evidence on your Instagram to back your claims.
This doesn’t mean that we can’t be cool. This doesn’t mean that we don’t care about YOU. It only means that we have differences. Different isn’t a bad thing.
TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER
Not everyone thrives in social settings. Some of us (ME) get overstimulated after a while and are barely holding it together. Now for me, if I get the point of sensory overload, I’ll do one of two things 1.) I’ll find a place where I can be alone for a little bit. Maybe I’ll go to the bathroom and take a few breaths or maybe I’ll go outside to get some fresh air. Or 2.) Nothing (see anecdote up top). Like I’ll just sit there. I’ll get to a point where I’m at full capacity and feel paralyzed in a sense. I’ll have trouble taking anything else in and I’ll start to mentally shut down. I might even lay my head down on a table or something if I let it get to that point.
Now, I understand that on the outside looking in, seeing someone just sitting there making no effort to engage or noticing someone leaving the room every so often may seem a bit out of sorts, rude even, but for some people it is a coping mechanism. Just keep that in mind.
Some people are being quiet because they are enjoying themselves! Sometimes the vibes are just perfect and they’re just taking all of it in. It’s nice to just sit and experience the moment sometimes without people interrupting it by asking you your motives.
You know how when one of your favorite songs finally comes on the radio and you turn it up and you’re enjoying it and then some ANIMAL comes along and turns it down and starts talking to you about something that you don’t even care about? That’s what it feels like when you’re sitting there vibing and someone comes along trying to “cheer you up” because you’re being so quiet. MAJOR buzz kill. HUGE.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I do understand that some people are just genuinely concerned about my well-being. And that is MUCH appreciated. But just keep in mind that when you see someone keeping to themselves and not talking to anyone it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re depressed or that their dog just died. When we say we’re alright, believe us. Kay? Cool.
So was this post helpful for anyone? What about my fellow introverts, you guys got anything else you would like to add to this? Leave your comments down below!
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