I’m sure all of my other introverts out there can relate, but getting into arguments and disagreements is always a particularly tough situation for me. I mean obviously arguments are tough for anyone, but for someone who is more reserved and who is slower with their words to begin with, it can be a complete nightmare. Introverts are not people who go around verbally expressing themselves in the first place, so when a confrontation arises, it’s ESPECIALLY rough. The last thing that we want is to have a shouting match with someone who we barely had the energy to deal with from the beginning. I am someone who is also very sensitive so I feel like I am not equipped to handle arguments in the traditional sense. I have my own tactics, some beneficial, some not so much. Honestly, I’m just trying to come out of the damn thing alive and fully intact. Here are my own personal issues where arguing and confrontation are concerned.
I’M A CRIER
So, to start things off, I get very emotional. Sometimes to the point of tears. As I said, I’m pretty sensitive. But this is something that is embarrassing for me because as sensitive as I am, I’m also pretty prideful. That being said, the last thing that I want when I’m confronting someone is for them to see me break down because of how hurt or angry I am. A lot of times in the past, I have been told that I am overreacting which sends me even further over the emotional edge. The reason for this is because I hate feeling vulnerable in the first place. I hate when I finally muster up the courage and trust to share my feelings with someone and then they sort of just shit all over them by basically telling me that they aren’t valid feelings. There’s nothing more frustrating for me than to have someone tell me that the way that I am feeling is somehow wrong. Especially when I’ve tried so hard to express myself in a way that will be understood and when I’ve spent so much time contemplating whether or not to even say anything.
CONFRONTATION INTIMIDATES ME
This brings me to my next issue. In an effort to avoid having to deal with confrontation, I often end up neglecting the issues at hand altogether. I just won’t say anything about it at all. There have been plenty of times when I have been filled with so much anger and hurt, but didn’t know how to express it or didn’t want to deal with the possible emotional trauma of an argument. Nine times out of ten in these situations I just find somewhere that I can be angry and cry in private (or find an unsuspecting pillow to punch). This strategy usually ends up biting me in the butt because it causes me to be filled with resentment towards the other person and ultimately nothing gets resolved. Another issue with this strategy is that after bottling up so many emotions, I get to a point where I explode (usually via text). When I explode, the argument becomes so much bigger than the original issue at hand. I use it as an opportunity to bring up all of the other things that I never brought to their attention (when I decided to beat the crap out of a pillow instead). It’s really not healthy for any relationship and I acknowledge that.
I CAN’T ENGLISH
One of the main things that make arguments hard for me though, is the fact that I get so flustered that I can’t properly get my thoughts out. I can feel all of my emotions very strongly, but when it comes to verbalizing them, it’s almost as if my brain is betraying me. I have a total brain fart. Because of this I usually won’t talk about it, I’ll text about it. When I’m texting someone instead of talking to them face to face, I can take my time. I can sit and think about what I want to say. I can reread and revise my message before I hit send. This way I can more accurately get my point across. And most importantly for me, this way they won’t see me all worked up and crying. There have been a lot of times when my husband didn’t even know we were in an argument until he left the house and I sent him a text message. This is just how I operate best. I feel that it’s the most efficient way for me to express my grievances. And to be quite honest, I’ve found that it works very well with most people.
Everything being said, there’s nothing like that calm AFTER the storm. That feeling of peace after everything that needed to be said by both parties has been said and issues have been resolved. I encourage anyone who is having an issue with someone to let it out! Whether that be by you confronting them verbally, textually, or even writing them a letter that you never really intend to give them just to get your thoughts out. Do whatcha gotta do, even if that means punching a pillow.
So there you have it. How I experience arguments from my introverted perspective. I would love to hear how other introverts out there handle their arguments. Any tips and tricks would be much appreciated. Please share!